Okay so about a month ago I started another blog as a way to talk about mom and wife stuff. And I totally planned on being on top of it because I have a lot of random thoughts about being a mom and wife. And I haven’t really managed to keep up on it. And then tonight I felt the need to post an article about being married. And then (again) I couldn’t decide where to post it. I know that Reader with a Plan is supposed to be a book blog but I am also a mom and a wife and those are the most important things I do in life and I figure two blogs is too many and if anyone really doesn’t want to read about my life then they don’t really have to because it is so few and far between! So without further ado…
So some back story. I met my husband online when I was 18 years old. Yep. We are those people. And you know what? I love it because it is our story. When we had been dating for two months I found out I was pregnant with our first beautiful monster. That will be a day that sticks in my brain for the rest of my life. I will never forget the pure joy on the husband’s face when the word “pregnant” popped up on the test. He was my rock from that moment on. I was so scared and this boy (because that is what he was, a boy and I was still just a girl) stood by me and said “Why should we waste time being upset? Its already happened so we shouldn’t waste time being upset, this is going to be good!” And I swear to you I fell so in love with him in that moment!
We will fast forward a few years and two beautiful daughters later. We were finally pretending to be grownups. We had other adult friends that had kids and we started hanging out and feeling our age again. We were 22, we had two beautiful little monsters, and life was finally at a place where we were not drowning in debt and hopelessness. And then I took my sugar pill in that evil little packet and nothing happened. No period. NOTHING. We only wanted two kids. We did not want to be outnumbered. But then the test came back with two pink lines. TWO PINK LINES!!! If you have ever taken that evil little test (or good test of hope depending on your life plans) you know that feeling of disbelief and possible denial. This time the man who had been by my side two previous times was on a different wavelength.
I will not pretend that our marriage was perfect until that moment but this was the breaking point. All of a sudden, my husband, who I thought I knew better than anyone else, told me he thought we should have an abortion. The one thing I told him I would never do and he wanted me to do it to our baby. Something that we created together out of our love. For those of you that don’t know us, we are Christians. So imagine my confusion when God is telling me to honor my husband but at the same time knowing that this child is mine. I loved this baby from the moment I saw those pink lines and there was nothing that would change that.
After much debate and an actual appointment with a local clinic my husband and I got on the same page and we decided that this was our baby and we were going to have it. But the damage had been done. A seed was planted and we began our slow fall into what was almost the ruin of our marriage. I am not here to talk about that time. Nobody needs the nitty gritty details or the anger and hurt that filled those moments. What I wanted to get out there was that we fought hard for each other. Sometimes it was only me fighting and sometimes it was only him fighting. What matters is that at any given time one of us was fighting.
There were days that I would drive home from work and divide the things in our house between the two of us. I would think about the tiny apartment I would have to try and find so our kids could stay in their school district. And you know what? I never did any of those things. With the help of some amazing friends we fought together and we took back our marriage.
Today I got to stare at my husband as he helped my parents move (don’t worry, I helped sometimes too!) and just bask in the glory of being married to my husband. He is the most kind and giving man I know. When there is a car on the side of the road and someone looking frustrated and stuck he is the man that will pull over and help. When someone is having car trouble but they don’t know where to go or maybe can’t afford to take it in, he is the guy that will check it out. When his kids need a story at night he is the dad reading in all of the goofy voices. My husband is the most selfless man I know. I often give him a hard time because I don’t know how to be anything other than a pain in the butt and I definitely don’t always know how to tell him how amazing he is but in those quiet moments I get to just bask in knowing the most important thing of all. HE WAS WORTH THE FIGHT.
What I am trying to say here is not that you should never get divorced. That is your choice to make. What I am saying is that sometimes, even when you feel alone and broken, the fight is worth it. No matter the outcome. The fight is worth it! Even just writing about how amazing my imperfectly perfect husband makes me tear up with the joy of getting to be his wife. Don’t be afraid to ask for help, find the people who love you and can help you because no matter the outcome you need someone in your corner. Finding those people saved the best part of my life.
Okay, enough sappy post for the night! We now return you to your regularly scheduled book love!